To begin, let me emphasize that our inner self knows the karma we must work through with ourselves. This inner self, which we feel in the solar plexus when choosing a partner (this is the clairvoyant eye for choosing a partner), knows precisely that our partner is perfect for bringing out the lessons we need to face and deal with.
Likewise, we are the person who brings out our partner’s karma, their lessons. This is where the attraction truly begins. Deep inside, we know this, but we deny it because we are overwhelmed by the feeling of being in love.
During this phase of being in love, we believe that we are meant for each other, that we complement one another and thus make a whole. We are convinced that our partner is the person who will love us in the way we want to be loved. The partner thinks exactly the same. This is what I would call the phase of infatuation or romantic love. I feel as though I have more energy, everything aligns, everything works, everything is beautiful and perfect.
Another point: because of my self-image, I seek a partner who fits the image of what I want. Unfortunately, the image of the partner is, in reality, an illusion. We fall in love with the person we create in our fantasy. However, because infatuation is a kind of altered state of consciousness, we don’t see the difference between our fantasy and reality.
But this phase of romantic infatuation eventually passes. And it is precisely this phase that is crucial. If we accept the fact that our partner is the one who mirrors back to us aspects of ourselves—that in them, we truly see ourselves, our repressed qualities, or what we lack or fear—then we are on a good path to becoming responsible for ourselves. This is the path to unconditional love.
We are here to love unconditionally, and when we can do this, things begin to fall into place like a mosaic. When we stop fighting against and start accepting, we begin to live love. Accept yourself, accept your partner, and the two of you will come into unity. Love does not come to us; it comes from within us.
If we wish for our partner to be a little different, it simply won’t work. We often say things like, “If only my partner were like this, if they would change this or that about themselves, if they weren’t like this or that…” and so on. We cannot, and do not have the right, to change another person to fit our desires.
We can only change ourselves, and that happens when we expand beyond our limitations, enter into a state of the heart, and accept unconditionally. When we are able to radiate these vibrations, they will be reflected back to us in the same way.
We must transform our desires for the partner into self-reflection. When something bothers us about them, we should ask ourselves: “What do I feel, and why do I feel it?”
A pattern within us will surface, and we can then remove it, let it go. These are often miraculous solutions. We are not victims, this is not about yielding to the other person; it is about our own growth, our path to happiness and love that is unconditional. There’s a saying: we experience what we express.
Of course, this applies if we care about our partner and genuinely want to maintain the relationship for ourselves, not for others (family, friends, society). If we’ve done everything we can, everything we’re capable of, and it is still too hard, too much to bear, then we simply leave.
That is not immoral. What is immoral is to run away at the first challenge, to not try everything mentioned above, to “jump from flower to flower,” to seek love outside of ourselves instead of within. That is what is immoral—immoral to ourselves.
Finally, here’s the golden rule and guiding principle: live, love, laugh, and be happy. That is the meaning of life!